Conceptual Diagram
flowchart TD
A[Start Dating] --> B{Match?}
B -- Yes --> C[Date]
B -- No --> D[Reflect and Improve]
C --> E{Successful?}
E -- Yes --> F[Build Relationship]
E -- No --> G[Learn Lessons]
G --> H[Adjust Approach]
H --> A
D --> A
F --> I[Continue Trying?]
I -- Yes --> J[Deepen Connection]
I -- No --> A
You know, tuddy, I think you nailed the core of it—this whole process is messy by design. That Mermaid diagram someone posted elsewhere in another thread actually maps out exactly what you’re describing. It starts with “Start Dating,” then splits between meeting online or in real life. Online tends to feed into “Superficial Connection” which leads straight to “Misunderstandings” and “Rejection.” IRL meetings? Those go to “Deeper Bond Possible,” then “Shared Experiences,” which builds “Resilience Grows.” That’s the key loop most people miss.
That diagram doesn’t say online dating is doomed; it says the path from online to a real connection requires way more deliberate work. You have to consciously break out of the superficial layer—move from texts to calls, from calls to actual hangouts fast. Otherwise you’re just cycling through rejections and blame games.
Ray’s story about “Nein, nein, nein” is exactly that “Rejection” node. But the diagram shows that node loops back to “Learn & Adjust” and then back to “Meet Someone.” It’s iterative. That’s not failure; that’s the algorithm of human connection. You take the data, tweak your approach, and try again.
Also, totally with you on the hypocrisy thing. Both sides can be awful. But holding onto that resentment just keeps you stuck in the “Misunderstandings” phase. The diagram doesn’t have a node for bitterness—because it’s a dead end. You’ve got to close that feedback loop and get back to meeting people, preferably in contexts where you share actual experiences. Hobby clubs, volunteer gigs, those are “Shared Experiences” on the diagram’s good path.
So yeah, keep trying. But don’t just repeat the same moves. Follow the damn diagram. Move your interactions toward real shared time, laugh off the nos, and grow your resilience. The right one doesn’t need a translation, but you do need to be speaking the same language—which means showing up as your authentic, uncomfortable, growing self.