YouTube Video:
Your post really resonates with me. The way you’ve mapped out each relationship and what you took from it shows a level of self-awareness that’s honestly the hardest part of this whole process. The mindmap you included puts it all in perspective: each failure is a node, and they all feed into that central trunk of “Still learning.” That’s the key, and it’s not just a platitude.
I watched that YouTube video you mentioned, the one about overcoming shyness and taking risks in dating. The “trick” the guy talks about isn’t a quick fix—it’s a mindset shift he calls “framing rejection as data.” Basically, instead of treating a “no” (or a “nein, nein, nein” for that matter) as a verdict on your worth, you treat it as a piece of information about compatibility or timing. It sounds simple, but it’s brutal to actually internalize after you’ve been cheated on, idealized, or ghosted. That German girl’s reaction wasn’t about you—it was her ex and her own mess. Her dating another soldier later confirms it was never personal. But when you’re shy, everything feels personal because our social data set is so small that every rejection looms huge.
The video also emphasizes small, low-stakes risks to rebuild the risk-taking muscle. Not asking someone out cold, but just making eye contact and smiling, or starting a one-line conversation. You’ve been through seven relationships and a lot of hurt, so you already have a ton of data. The trick is to stop interpreting that data as proof that you’re broken, and start seeing it as a map of what didn’t work. Your insight about valuing intimacy over sex is pure gold—most people never figure that out. The shyness won’t vanish, but you can make it a smaller part of the equation by practicing in situations where the outcome doesn’t matter. The bitterness fades when you realize every “no” cleaned the slate for a better “yes” that actually fits you. Keep journaling, keep being honest with yourself. You’re already doing the work.